In memory of Boo

We sadly lost our wonderful little Boo last night. We didn’t really get to say goodbye properly as it was quite sudden, so I wanted to write this final farewell to her. Dear Boo, I always knew I’d be broken when you left but I could never imagine it would be like this. You’ve been through so much in your 18 years but nothing stopped you, not even your diabetes or dementia really slowed you down.  We knew you were old and getting slower but compared to lots of cats you were still so strong and full of life. We couldn’t picture you actually leaving us, especially as quickly as you did. Of course we knew the day would come at some point, so we had talked about it but in our talks it was always way in the future+we thought we’d get notice ahead of time, so we could give you a final day or 2 of fun and love. We’d buy you all the foods you’d love and give you so many treats. We’d brush you and fuss you for hours just listening to you purr away and get you looking your best. We would get all the family round so they could see you and love you one last time.  We’d curl up and have 1 last sleep together. You hated the vets so we thought we’d get the chance to pay for a vet to come out to us so you could have a calmer goodbye at home. So many things we didn’t get to do and I’m so sorry. I feel like I’ve failed you because your last day was bad. We got up in the morning to find you laying weirdly outside your bed. It look liked you had a stroke or a seizure - you couldn’t move and were stuck lying in your own poo and pee and weren’t really reacting to us. We rushed to the vets and they gave you some drugs to help you relax but said there wasn’t much more they could do at this point, just to see if you did improve with some food and some rest. We brought you home but we could see you weren’t yourself. You struggled to really move or walk, but you did manage to eat some food, went for a wee and laid down to sleep. You looked so relaxed when you slept so we hoped you just needed to sleep more. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case and you took a turn when you woke up later, you just couldn’t even stand anymore so we took you back to the vets. I don’t know what we were thinking or hoping they would say, but when they actually told us at this stage there was nothing more they could do and it would be kinder to let you go now before you ended up in more pain, it didn’t seem real. They said we couldn’t even take you home and give you a calm final send off in the comfort of your own home because you were getting worse so we had to let them take you there. I’m so sorry. What happened to our special final day? I would have done so much more if I knew when it was our last good day together.  I know I complained at your annoying habits like how you liked to wake us up stupidly early by meowing at the bedroom door just because you wanted fuss or treats. Or how you would always yowl at us to open the back door - sometimes you didn’t even want to go out and you just wanted to stand in the doorway watching (even when it was raining so the kitchen got little rain puddles). When you did go out you always stopped to drink from an old plant pot and I would tell you to stop drinking “puddle muck” when you had clean fresh water available. Remember how we even tried buying you a fancy cat water fountain but you turned your nose up at it. Guess puddle muck was tastier after all. There’s so many other little things but now you’re gone what will I do without them in my life. I need them. I need you. I’m sorry I moaned about them, I’d take it all back if I could.  I’m sorry I wasted your last good days. You were so loved and I wish I knew this was the end so I could give you the send off you deserved.  It would have been your 19th birthday today, we got you some of that cat pate you love as a treat but you didn’t get the chance to eat it. If we knew you would only make it up to the day before your birthday we would have celebrated earlier. We loved you so much and always did our best by you but I have so many regrets and the guilt, pain and tears just won’t stop. I miss you so much already and we only said goodbye last night.  How will I face having to tidy your things away. There’s still food left in your dish and your litter tray still has your print marks in it. We just brought a new bag of cat litter and it hasn’t even been opened yet, neither has the cat food delivery that only came the other day. It just doesn’t feel real or fair. You were so much more than just a cat. You were a piece of us and it’s empty at home without you. We feel empty too. We will always love you and keep you in our hearts. Thank you for everything over the years - the good and the bad. All of the stress, mess, love, tears, vet bills, hugs, scratches, bites and sofa cuddles. Goodbye Boo - We hope you’re at peace now but we are always here if you need us.

by Emily Hall