In memory of Maya

Maya, I wish we’d had more time together. I’ve now spent more years without you than I did with you, and there are so many things I wish I’d gotten to show you and wish you’d gotten to experience. Would you have loved whipped cream as much as Pippin does? Would you have liked the heated blanket we got last winter? I wish I could’ve shown you some bird videos on the tv. Pippin loves those.  Sometimes I think I’ve seen you peeking around a corner, or walking into the room, but of course, that’s never the case. I wish I had something more to remember you by, and I wish I’d told you how much I loved you more whilst I had the chance. It doesn’t feel fair that you were gone so soon. I wanted to move somewhere with a garden some day so you could sit in the sunshine and watch butterflies, but now I’ll never get to do that. I even miss silly things, like how much I had to contort myself in bed between you and Pippin, or preparing two bowls of food rather than one. It took me over a year before I finally erased your medication reminder from the chalkboard in the kitchen, and I felt so awful, like I was erasing one of the few parts of you I had left. You’ll always be my gorgeous girl, and my sophisticated lady. If I could carve your name into my heart, I would, but please know it’s there already, and always will be. I love you, endlessly 💜💜💜 9.4.17 - 21.11.20

by Bethan Evans